toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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