I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
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there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
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Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize