We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize