So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
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i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
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I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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