Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
