just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Randomize
