I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
