Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i believe in u and ur pee
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