I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
