My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
