Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
