you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
