i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
