i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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