you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
