I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
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You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
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You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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