I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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