The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize