Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
