you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize