porn star boner night. come get it.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
