there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
even my farts smell like vagina
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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