I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
