I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I will be naked everywhere
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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