you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
