I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
whose parrot is this?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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