haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
