I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
