I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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