direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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