I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
