im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
handjob tips. give me some.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I still have a little drunk in my system
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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