He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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