She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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