I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
