i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
