So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
