would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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