I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
