How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
