everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
