remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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