I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
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Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
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i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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