So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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