I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
