I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
