Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
