If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
