Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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