I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
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If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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