Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
