I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
