i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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