i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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