I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
