also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
