Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We left an ass print on the piano.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Dear god my vagina.
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