I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
