She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Randomize
