you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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